I’m sure anytime you imagine yourself eating pizza you are flooded with positive emotions. That’s normal, pizza is a positive thing. I typically use it as my answer to the played out “what’s your favorite food” question. However, there is something very negative surrounding pizza consumption. I’m talking about the “unfair pizza slice.”
This problem typically emerges when I am getting pizza at a cafeteria or food court. I can remember a specific instance from high school in which I was going through the lunch line. I walked up to the counter where you inform the lunch lady or lunch man as to what you want to eat. This day they were serving pepperoni pizza and cheese pizza. My heart told me to get pepperoni, but as I looked over the slices I noticed an extremely small slice located directly in front of the lunch ladies’ spatula. I was forced to survey the cheese pizza.
After examining the cheese pizza I saw a slice which looked like it had been raised near a nuclear waste dump causing it to develop large pizza tumors. Right next to that slice was another slice which was exposing far too much sauce. If I were to choose pepperoni I would run the risk of being stuck with the small slice, but there was also a chance I could hit the pizza slice jackpot. If I chose cheese I could be given the tumor ridden pizza or the cheese deprived slice. I played the percentages and chose the pepperoni pizza. Apparently the lunch lady hated me, because without hesitation she handed me the “unfair pizza slice.” I sat down dejected at my lunch table followed by my friend who had just hit the pizza slice jackpot. His slice was twice the size of mine and touted four pepperonis in comparison to my measly one.
I often imagine a world where every slice of pizza is equal. A world where pizzas are symmetrical and pizza men are better at division. In the meantime I will try to improve my relationships with lunch ladies in the hopes that they will give me preferential pizza slice treatment.
lolz so true
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